Another year is here. I’ve been both looking forward to and dreading it. More the former than the latter, though.
Every… many of the years… I dabble with some form of rules or restrictions to help provide me with focus or a challenge. One year it was alphabetized titles. Another it was “never do the same style two days in a row,” or “You can only use X number of instruments per track,” and so on. One of the silliest was making (almost) every song exactly four minutes and twenty seconds long.1One of Mary’s coworkers who listens asked her after three or four days, “Is Ray fucking with us?”
Last year, I didn’t give myself any restrictions at all, and it was generally solid. I’ve now got enough 28-song months behind me that I’m not stressed about whether I can do it, but more about what I’m getting out of it. And then I’ll argue with myself that the entire point is just to write. Write, write, write. What it is doesn’t matter. How good it is doesn’t matter. All that matters is did I write some music and post it?
Over the last eleven months, I’ve reflected a bit on what I accomplished last February. Most importantly, 28 new pieces of music. I’d say my instrumentals were the strong point, but there were a couple of songs that have withstood repeated listening, including another new favorite2I Don’t Remember – I now have enough of these moody synth pop songs to do at least an EP., some comfortable sonic explorations, and a few successful experiments.
Under Pressure
I’ve noted in the past that I’ve developed this unwarranted self-inflicted pressure to come out swinging on the first day. If the first day is weak, I naggingly feel that it sets the bar for the rest of the month. That’s total BS, of course, because every day is a surprise.
One of the “obvious when you think about it” things I’ve finally understood is that you never know when you’re going to write the best song you’ve ever written. It might have been ten years ago. It might be tomorrow. Or next week. Or on a Tuesday. I’ve certainly had some “Wow! Where the hell did that come from?” moments in the last ten years.
All this is a long-winded (as usual) way of saying that, yes, I put undue pressure on myself and yes, none of it matters in the end. With apologies to Ed Wood, Tim Burton, and Johnny Depp, “worst song you ever heard? Well, my next one will be better.”
Rules? Where We’re Going, We Don’t Need… Rules.
All this hand-wringing and soul searching has actually ended up with me feeling a little healthier about it all. Yeah – I do a lot more production work than I need to, but I enjoy it. In one of my self-flagellating inner-voice arguments, I actually accused myself of doing all the fancy production to hide how bad the song is. But that’s not fair to me or the song. And I won the argument when I reached that realization.
Rules are great when they’re helpful and a problem when they get in the way. So this year, I’m again not giving myself any hard rules. I do have a couple of soft goals and guidelines, though:
- Simplify.3I almost wrote a paragraph-long explanation of this, then realized how hilarious that would be.
- Try to write more songs.
- Be vague more often.
- The protagonist doesn’t need to be me.
I have some over-arching personal goals for the year as well, and these are one brick in that particular wall.
Some General Housekeeping
I bought a new music player for the website, but getting it implemented has been complex. Converting past posts to it will be a lot of work as well. Things may break here and there, and don’t be surprised if things look wildly different from day to day.
There were a few times last year when I’d skip 2-5 days of writing my blog, and the posts suffered because I couldn’t remember everything that was going on. I’ll be more disciplined this year.
If this is your first time here, welcome! I’m incredibly grateful that you’re taking the time to read these ramblings and listen to the music. If you’re a return visitor, well… you have nobody to blame but yourself.
Enjoy the show!
Notes
- 1One of Mary’s coworkers who listens asked her after three or four days, “Is Ray fucking with us?”
- 2I Don’t Remember – I now have enough of these moody synth pop songs to do at least an EP.
- 3I almost wrote a paragraph-long explanation of this, then realized how hilarious that would be.