I Don’t Remember – Ray Toler

After a bit of faffing about, I wasn’t getting any traction and decided to pull out the “inspiration bag of tricks” box. Modern software like Scaler and other “AI” type tools has provided a lot of ways to avoid needing any sort of formal music training or theory. I have basic to intermediate theory, but most of what I do is instinctual. It’s actually very similar to my command of the English language. I learned the formal rules a long time ago, but wouldn’t be able to diagram a sentence these days. I know when grammar is correct, though, because it either sounds right or it doesn’t. I’m the same way with music theory now.

I Don't Remember Ray Toler 2:54

I have an earlier tool called Cthulhu that’s both a powerful arpeggiator and chord player. It’s kind of difficult to describe, especially for the specific way I use it, but if you read the product page you’ll get the idea. One thing Cthulhu has that I’ve found incredibly useful is chord mappings/progressions for all of Bach’s chorales. Each note on the keyboard is mapped to a chord. Now, I don’t use it to recreate those chord progression, but rather to play notes until I find chord progressions and changes that I like. I’m capable of playing all of these chords but have found myself in a compositional rut. As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, my hands fall naturally into these favorite chords and once that happens, I find it very difficult to play anything other than what I’ve played over and over for years.

Enter Cthulhu.¹ I’m playing single notes on the keyboard, routing them through Cthulhu, and then getting the chords you hear in the warm electric piano from the beginning. The chords you hear didn’t come in that order from the plugin, I came up with the progression. Cthulhu just helped me by playing chords in shapes that my ruts don’t let my hands do.

Like a Warm Blanket

This is a comfort song. I call it that because it’s ticking all sorts of nostalgia boxes for me. It’s super 80s, but not the 80s that most people hear in modern times. It’s the 80s of Thomas Dolby and Wang Chung deep tracks. You’ll never find them on a greatest hits album or algorithm-driven playlist. If you weren’t there, you’d never know they existed.² And part of what I love about them is that they’re not hits.³ They’re “real” songs in that they were written without expectation of them being radio-ready-unit-shifters. In modern terms, they’re never going viral. Occasionally you’ll hear them pop up because the album they’re on was so iconic, so successful, that they just got dragged along in a guilt-by-association way.

But they’re full of emotion, be it love, anger, joy, or malaise-inflected ennui. I think they’re probably more indicative of the artist’s true musical soul, but that’s a personal and iconoclastic take. The artists themselves might think of them as throwaways or filler tracks to get the record out and make that sweet, sweet album money. That no longer happens in these days of ADD-fueled, algorithm-pandering singles.

That Was a Lot of Words

Yeah… I’m still verbose when I get going. Sorry. Anyway, back to this song. As I said, it’s very 80s to me. I’d have to ask a Zoomer what it sounds like to them. Once the chord progression was set, I added the bass and then the drums and percussion. A little seasoning here and there like that sweet bell line and everything’s in place. It’s obviously a song at this point and, happily, while writing the music I was humming or singing little bits here and there that would finally gain traction and lead to the rest. I’m pleased with the craft-aspect of the lyrics; things are nice and parallel, nothing’s grossly out of place or forced, and it seems to flow with a sense of economy – nothing’s superfluous, and nothing’s really needed, either. I’m writing this entry in May and I Don’t Remember has emerged as one of my favorite tracks of the month. If you enjoy it, you might also enjoy Cascade (2018), In Time (2022), and Worlds Apart (2022).

What’s it about? That’s for you to decide. I have a couple of things I think of now and remember what I was sort-of thinking at the time, but it’s flexible enough that I think it stands up to multiple interpretations.

Lyrics

Just beyond my vision
Just beyond my sight
Something’s in the distance
Hidden by the light

The mystery before me
The mystery at hand
Is that shape the devil
Or is that shape a man

I don’t remember
I can’t remember

Just around the edges
Just beyond the lines
There’s something warm and loving
Hidden in the spines

Nothing in the distance
Nothing on the way
Only what’s before me
On any given day

I can’t  remember
I won’t remember 


Copyright © Ray E. Toler, Jr. All rights reserved.
www.raytoler.com

Colophon

Instruments & Samples

XO, Pigments, Diva, Hive2, Omnisphere

Effects, Mixing, & Mastering

FabFilter, Gullfoss, Kraftur, MOTU MW Equalizer, Valhalla VintageVerb & Delay, H3000 Factory, PanMan

Notes

1
Now there’s a song title… Or maybe “Cthulhu to the Rescue.”
2
If you’re curious, listen to the following Thomas Dolby tracks: Screen Kiss, Mulu the Rain Forest, Weightless, My Brain is Like a Sieve, Budapest by Blimp, and I Live in a Suitcase. That’s just one artist. There are soooo many more great songs from the 80s that nobody hears now.
3
You know what? Here are some more things you should listen to: Kamikaze and Emperor’s Clothes by Thompson Twins; Ocean Blue by ABC, Windows by Missing Persons; Life in the Gladhouse by Modern English; The Story of a Young Heart by A Flock of Seagulls; The Chauffeur by Duran Duran; Jennifer by Eurythmics